I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Do you remember whose house we're in?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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