oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
