He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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