If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize