That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize