Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
