I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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