She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
