I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
