That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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