I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's shark week go big or go home
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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