you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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