Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
