thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
