We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Congratulations! We have a period
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