My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
