You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
