ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
