that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize