there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
