it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
