it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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