I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
