I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize