He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
