tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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