I looked at my own cervix.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
