I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
