I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
