Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
