Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Say something about gay babies.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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