can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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