so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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