I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
