i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
