That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
