he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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