What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
