Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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