I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
