I'm going to jail i love you
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize