She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize