I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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