I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
