Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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