He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
