He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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