You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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