Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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