Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
