Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
