I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
