My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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