Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
