WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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