dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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