ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
