Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
