I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
