I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
