I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
